just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
