OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
