my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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