A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
