Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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