just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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