Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
