so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
