we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
