I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
