dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
