She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
