Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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