just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
