We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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