I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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