are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
