so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
