You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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