is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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