I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
