I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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