tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
