Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
