im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
