the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
