Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
