They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
