saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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