I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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