i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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