Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
