All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
