There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How's work?
Spinning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
that may or may not have been my penis.
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