What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
