hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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