2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
