I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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