pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
