I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
