this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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