girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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