You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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