We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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