i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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