they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
