I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
