We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You smell like stripper and shame
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
