i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
