Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A bitchslap is in order.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
