Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i dont even know how to be here
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
pray to the hookup gods
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
