okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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