Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
