There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
