I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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