Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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