I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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