and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Can I color on your dick again?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
