Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
