that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we're making bets on your personal life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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