I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
