I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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