What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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