Buhtt sex?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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