if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
