I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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