me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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