Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize