lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
