just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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