just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
