She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
