I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
