i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
