Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
