We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
