found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
