i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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