The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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