Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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